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I don't think I'm very cool.

I did some graffiti once and its probably the naughtiest thing I’ve ever done. I wrote something on a wall of a toilet in a club. I took a photo of it and sent it to all my friends and then went home thinking I was new Banksy. Later that night I woke up in a hot sweat and decided to go back to the club the following day and clean my graffiti off. I had to buy a ticket to the event that was on that evening at the club so I could get in to cover my tracks, so I spent £35 on a ticket to a Cool and The Gang Tribute act just to rub of my own graffiti that I’d been so proud of the night before. I was hiding in the toilets of this club in central London rubbing anti bacterial wipes on the wall of a urinal while Cool AS the Gang sang their cover of Ladies Night. By this point I’d convinced myself if I didn’t clean it off I’d go to prison. At that point in my life I was certainly NOT very cool. What on earth would Joe Strummer have thought?

I was not naughty at school. I never got a single detention. I spent my school years very worried. The threat of getting in to trouble did honestly really worry me. Its not like anyone would have cared in my family if I got a detention. My brother got suspended and multiple detentions. We still loved him. No one was that bothered. I’ve got members of my family that have done really naughty things. We still love them too.

I do regret not being naughty, I wish I’d have told a few more people to fuck off or just bunked off school once in a while. I always had loads of mates but I just sort of stood on the edge. After school I went to music college in Camden Town. I wasn’t naughty there either and I never took any drugs. I have never taken any drugs. I don’t feel like I’ve missed out. I remember everyone else was taking that drug ‘miaow miaow’ in a rehearsal at collage, some girl played Song 2 by Blur on piano so fast she’d finished before we all got to the second verse. I just thought it was stupid and expensive. She looked like the dickhead, not me.

I don’t drink now at all. I used to a little bit when I was in my late teens but I was rubbish at it. I’d just cry and be mean to people I loved, so I stopped. I have come across more judgment that I don’t drink during my time in the music industry than I ever have for being a women or having a song about Joey Barton. If I say I don’t drink cause I don’t like it people will still buy you a Prosecco, if I say I don’t drink cause I’m a recovering alcoholic people will buy you an orange juice and leave you alone. It’s mental.

I sometimes worry about telling people I don’t drink. It’s all about being confident I who you are and accepting it and who's any good at that anyway? I immediately assume people will think I’m not very fun and won’t want to hang out with me. But I’ve been to all night raves just drinking red bull, I’ve been to Glastonbury 3 times, I’ve toured the country multiple times and played festivals abroad and hung out back stage with other bands! I’ve even got Earl Slick’s email address, that must mean I'm quite cool surely? I can honestly say I don’t think I’d have had more fun if I’d have been really drunk all the time.

It’s taken me ages to accept myself for not drinking and working in music at the same time. I’m never going to be as cool as Debbie Harry but I like to think I’m a bit cooler than Sandy at the beginning of Grease… I have accepted that in my life I’m never going to successfully play ‘Pub Golf’ or understand what’s so good about that song ‘Voodo Ray’ but I’m totally happy with that. I’m also not the new Banksy and I’m totally cool with that too and I can hand on my heart say that Cool As The Gang are a great tribute band even if I only heard them from hiding in a urinal. Rock N Roll mate.


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